An act of kindness becomes an emotional overwhelm. WHY?
Recently, I was advised by a member of the community of whom I hadn’t ever met directly, explain to me that she had a met a wonderful older man in his 70’s who was truly young at heart. Before you get any painted pictures in your mind allow me to explain a little further…..
For this purpose of this article names will be alias names.
Jasper who is a male, aged 75 lost his loved one 3 years ago. In the interim he has been doing his best to regain his social life and surround himself with events that he enjoys. He has regular outings with his daughters, he visits his grandchildren, he socialises and attends local community events on a number of occasions, and he also arranges some social gatherings in his home. He prepares meals and is able to entertain his guest with confidence.
Recently, Jasper met this lady in her 50’s at the local shopping centre. They were both looking for an item on the shelf that usually is located at the place they both visited however, on this day the item wasn’t stocked at its usual place. They began to converse about if either of them knew where the item that is usually stocked at the location, had been relocated to. As they continued to make conversation they became acquainted. So one thing led to another and before you knew it, Jasper had the courage to invite the lady, (Samantha) and her family members over for dinner at Jasper’s home on a Saturday evening.
Samantha went home, spoke to her husband and family members. All her children are grown up and lead their own lives. The husband and Samantha agreed to attend the event.
Jasper invited others along at his dinner event. He went out of his way to cook a fantastic dish for his guests. He catered for a total of 9 members. They all had a pleasant time, they wined and dined. The evening was a success and Jasper made some new connections in his local area. BONUS!
Jasper was excited about his rendezvous that he happily shared his experience with his family members. He often spoke about how lovely, and warm the people were but also how much problematic issues and negative emotions the family members were all experiencing. For Jasper, this was apparent and became the highlight of the conversation.
Unfortunately, Samantha’s oldest is currently involved in drug taking, ‘ice’. She herself is seeing a psychologist attempting to deal with the emotional outburst, heartaches and issues. The complexity of dealing with all the negativity around her family in itself has become an emotional overwhelm for her. As a family they are connecting with all the right people, seeking the support needed to move forward in their lives and get out of the situation that they are currently living and dealing with.
Jasper spoke to Samantha and her husband and advised them, of a great coach, hypnotist, time line therapist and mentor who may be able to support and guide her son in some way. Jasper clearly stated that this lady may or may not be able to help but if she wanted to pursue it she could. Therefore, Jasper handed over a Mind Ahead, business card to Samantha.
This is where I come into the story.
Jasper took it upon himself to obtain Samantha’s phone number by asking work colleagues. (oops) Some people may see this as stalking, while others see this as an opportunity. Interesting thought either way.
Jasper being kind, generous, outspoken, confident, and having the best intentions at heart, only wanting to serve and support this new family friendship that he has developed, wanted to cook another meal for the family and deliver it to them.
Samantha disclosed information about how busy the family is and at times and how difficult it is to get meals prepared for the family to eat at home because of their natural business and busy schedules and lives they lead. Between medical appointments, work commitments and simply life and work balance and challenges. The task of cooking daily also became a burden.
Therefore, Jasper thought it would be an act of kindness to offer a prepared cooked meal for the family which would elevate some of the stress that Samantha and her family were currently experiencing.
What Jasper didn’t realise was that his acts of kindness became an emotional overwhelm for Samantha and her family.
Samantha and her family discussed how beautiful a person that Jasper was and how he has gone out of his way to support and help her family and to some degree she was grateful for his generosity. However, sadly for Samantha she felt this was all too much. Never in her entire life and her experiences in life, has anyone person, ever gone out of their way, to be simply perform with such kindness and niceness as Jasper had. She didn’t know how to accept this left wing generosity and immediately became uncertain of the possible outcomes.
To top it all off because of a further complication where Jasper was in a short term companionship with a lady 20 years younger than he was, Jasper shared this information with Samantha and it turns out that the photo shown of Jasper’s companionship looked similar to Samantha’s appearance. (Imagine what Samantha was thinking).
As a professional coach and life strategist, immediately this raises flags of insecurity of self, uncertain of self, low self-esteem and unable to accept anything other than what is that they are having to deal with at the present state in their lives. Anything else that comes up will be a trial in error, based on their past experiences, beliefs and values. Only Samantha can change these beliefs and values when she is ready on her time line and nobody else’s.
Jasper, unknowingly crossed the line and simply found a basket that is currently rotting and needs to be green and growing.
Someone like Jasper, who has the best intentions at heart, is overly confident, can speak and support for himself, has a clear vision and goal for short term projects, has years of travel experience, therefore great life experiences, and is aware of his conscious abilities, Jasper, was able to be spoken to and coached and did understand, why, Samantha was experiencing emotional overwhelm and therefore, simply needed to take a step back.
The conversation was difficult however, being wise and an older citizen, he got it. He understood the message and he is moving on, respectfully and without any regrets or emotions attached, from his perspective. (Great)
As for Samantha, her voice of opinion was expressed and heard and actioned upon.
We know that every journey is different in life for all individuals, humanity is complex living and to become the best version of ourselves, we need to know, WHO WE ARE! We need to be confident within our own skin. We need to know that we look and sound the way we do because we were made this way. We need to understand that perceptions of others will be different to yours. That our personal self- image is what we make it up to be. That we as people have what I like to refer to as ‘intervals of possibilities’, we can either continue to live and do the same old shit, or embrace crazy new shit. We need to let go of the EGO that we have and the self – sabotage that occurs with us all and fluctuates from one extreme to another. Our ego should be there to serve ourselves to the best version of ourselves that we can be.
Gandhi said and scripted this message in India “My Life Is My Message”. What is your message?
Nikki Simos, Director of Mind Ahead, 28-06-2015